Hi Readers
In this blog, I am going to share the my personal experience as Introvert. What are problem i need to face as introvert?. How to change the our life into normal life? What are difficult while changing? Why do we need to be active at social event?
Introvert
Successful life?
As a Introvert, you can have a very, very successful career, just like I have now. Even if you're an introvert, you can find amazing jobs and amazing career and world's best employers like Microsoft, google, or Amazon, just you name it what you need, and then you can have it. If you come to a few realizations, these are not tips, but rather realizations that your mind need to be convinced. I will share some of them with you in this blog. For me, there are some of point to improve.
If you are introvert, then you need to select only which make you comfort. Answer is "No, Big No". If you do not have a job like a software developer or an accountant, then you can't success. It's lie. What I going meaning here is you don't have to do introvert jobs to be successful. You don't have to go look for jobs where you're on your own. The reason Why I wanted to mention this early on this blog because you're probably been led to believe that you should find careers that suit for your strengths and weakness. And in this case since you're an introvert, so you know you should find careers that offer limited or minimum human interactions. Right? Where you're mostly on your own like this as introvert. Right?
But I know I totally disagree with that approach. I disagree wholeheartedly in fact if you follow that basely thought, then I think you'll end up having a micro career and that would be the best case scenario. What will most likely happen is that you will ruin your own career by so many unemployment periods, even long ones too. And you will lead a deeply unsatisfying life, I want a better life for you and it's never too late. Now the reason that approach of following you need to know your strengths and your weaknesses. It doesn't work like that, it's a bit complicated. So bear with me for a few moment, now we live in such more competitive times then before, that the luxury to choose what we want to do and make good money doing that is extremely limited opportunity. I'm talking about as a career as a professional, not as an entrepreneur.
World is changing rapidly:
Now there was a time where this was possible at some place. From 1950s all the way to late 2000s( maybe until 2010), people of that era didn't need a fantasy bachelor's degree or an expensive MBA to find a well-paying jobs, but it's very different since last few years. There are only a handful of careers or I should say career tracks, that will eventually pay you a six- figure salaries a year. Most jobs regardless of how long you stay in that career will not ever pay you high enough to you, so you can't enjoy the luxuries of life. It just won't happen, they're only just a few tracks now, and have limited access also, that's it.
Here's a good analogy, I really like to mentioning it, "if you want to be an Olympian, then you have to pick correct Olympic sports first". You don't have the library or someone to say, "Hey, I want to be an Olympian, but with my strong throwing skill only". you can't do that, can you?. Similarly, if you're an accountant with no client interaction, then no employer willing to pay you a six-figure salary. It's doesn't meant you don't have skill or talent like an Olympic skill. And other than just a handful of exceptions really almost, No introvert job is an Olympic job.
Meeting new experience:
Now, here's the interesting thing I was making a presentation to one of the most prestigious company in the world (that was couple years ago) and someone from the meeting raise her hand and asked ".....but what about solution for this problem?", it was a great question and then something I had actually forgotten to include that in my presentation. So her point was right. But she doesn't have happy reaction or feel, you can tell that by seeing her face. Because her job profile is like an introvert job, so that limits her to interaction with others by natural, but where she's on her own and doing the her job which she loves doing.
Now the problem with that approach is I'm afraid the track to happiness at work is not that simple. I wish it were there are at least 20 other factors that contribute to your happiness or to your misery at work. You can still be unhappy even if your job is to training person all day long or any other.
If they don't pay you well enough, then you can't take care of your children. And you'll be unhappy. Or you can have a bully manager and you'll be unhappy. But if you have good skills and the market is valuing it by those high income skills person. Then you can always leave that bully manager behind and go find a better working environment. But if market doesn't value the skills you developed, then you'll have to endure with that bully manager. That means you'll be unhappy for that period. Because you have no job now. So you need to stay for there as long as other opportunities opens.
Growing with your experience:
As, the senior you getting the more of your time is dedicated to decision making. Decision making is all about human interactions like conferences, calls, and meeting. As you move forward, then you will have more discussion, consideration, presentation. So in that logic, you can never get a senior enough. You'll always have to stay as a specialist in special job or task door. And then how will you defend your job against someone in 20 years younger than you, who will work at 50% of your salary. Right?
When the time comes, there are obviously exceptions to this. I mean they're always outliers in everything, you know I'm not just blogger writer's as well as professional work person. For example, you can be a B2C digital advertising experts and can take hundred or thousands of dollars with no human being inaction for now. And you are few skills around software development or AI or data analysis or engineering design, but again these are outliers job. We can't plan our lives based on outliers. So the point I made so far is that you will be the one to adjust and there is no other option. Because those high paying career tracks will not adjust to you or to your introvert nature. Now we are ready to talk about the breakthrough realization I mentioned earlier.
1. Energy Management:
So my first realization, I was a discovery about the real difference between myself as an introvert and an extrovert. What is real difference between them at the his core? It's not being withdrawn or sky or not liking a human company. They're not real difference they're all outcomes. Something else happens that affect a result, most of us don't enjoy too much of human company or social interactions. We need to know what is that thing is that? & What is making me sick? It is the "Energy Management".
The only difference between you and an extrovert is where you getting your energy from.
- When you as an introvert meet other people, you will lose the mental energy. But when you are alone or in your comfort zone or with your small family, then you start recharging it again.
- But when an extrovert meets other people, they gain the energy. But when they're alone, they will lose energy. That's it.
That there's nothing more to it. It's all about energy management. It's actually it's not about not liking people or being withdrawn or especially being shy. It has nothing to do with it. I mean you can be as assertive as you like. As an introvert, I'm fairly assertive and extrovert can be shy or withdrawn as they want. But one of them is your introvert nature is the bricks of the wall and the other one may be your assertiveness or shyness is the pains. Okay, so don't confuse them . Now growing up this whole thing can be very confusing. It was very confusing to me, when I was younger, I'm in my last 30 now. But I remember my earlier days, I really thought I just didn't like people. And I mean I was totally fine to meet and socialize and exchange a few stories and laughs, but at the end of the day I'd like to be my own. So yeah I thought I didn't like people. But that wasn't the case, it was a misdiagnosis.
What I really didn't like about that is which I really uncovered much much later on my life is I didn't like losing all my energy like that in such a short span of time. I didn't like being completely exhausted of physically and mentally exhausted, after meeting someone for an hour or two. It would drain me dry completely. What this means is that I can very much like people as long as I manage my schedule in my own time. That's the key. So this was my first breakthrough. Once again the key is managing your own schedule in your own time when other people decide your schedule, then things don't work for you. So think about this point very careful after reading this blog.
2. Meeting New People:
The second breakthrough for me, was the fast that I don't have to hate every social interaction just because it cost me energy faster. As long as I'm mindful of my own energy. Then I'll be perfectly fine. In fact I love meeting my friends, my extended family. I love meeting new people and my new co-worker's, and but the important thing to keep in mind is just as how every single extrovert doesn't enjoy every social interaction. Similarly, Not every introvert has to hate every social interaction, does it make sense to you. It's almost like appetite for food, I mean "Do you enjoy every single food you ate, unlikely but you need to eat". Similarly extroverts don't enjoy every single social interaction, but they need to attend. They need it to get energized, whereas you are self-sufficieent.
3. Our past history/Ancestors:
The third breakthrough, I had was when I developed a really keen interest in human evolution. In my early 20's about 20 year ago, I started to consume hundreds and hundreds of books and research papers on human evolution from many PHD candidates around the world and my collage study was about atom and molecular formation, but you'd find me reading books and completely like in English about evolution. and it was a passion of mine. I loved it. I loved visiting the museums. Around the world and collecting ancient coins and so on. It's still a passion.
Now the relevant part to my topic here is that, there is a reason why I'm an introvert and there is a reason why you are an introvert and of course there is a reason why some people are extroverts. It's written in our DNA and there's a reason why it's written in our DNA.
The reason is, as an introvert, it means more of our ancestors(read this carefully), more of my ancestors going all the way back to lucy which 3.2 million years ago. Spent time outside of the village is damaged/structure. They stayed in much smaller groups only probably like a family like a one or two family constructs, they did not stay in vig villages. So as a result more of my hominid ancestors saw other hominids as a threat. Because for millions of years the stronger and bigger groups just took the resources of smaller groups whenever they wanted whenever they encountered each other and this way of living did not change for million of years.
During that same per-historic era, whereas extroverts have more of their hominid ancestors spend time in villages like in more complex social constructs and that social construct which protected them from the outside predators and hunger and starvation. Which meaning, now more of their DNA as see other human as support and also as a resource. So in a way the memories of those ancestors lived three million years.
For three million years is determining how you feel now against other humans. It's amazing stuff. Isn't it? And by the way don't think of this as a black and white thing. We're just various shades of grey right. My evolution is a bit more darker gray compared to an extroverts evolution, whose ancestors benefited from human interactions, whereas my ancestors more of my ancestors did not see that benefit. Not completely black and white just various shades of gray. In fact think of it like a normal distribution curve.
- On the extreme introvert end, there's a guy who lives all alone or with his small family in the woods. He only goes to town to shop for supplies, he greets people politely, he refrains from engaging in deep conversations. Then slowly goes back to his own little world in the woods, where he is the happiest.
- On the extreme extrovert end, there's a guy who likes to party all day's long until end of his life and That's it. Not much else going for him really.
4. Even Extrovert have problem:
The fourth breakthrough for me is came when I realized this actually is a major problem. This actually major advantage to me right almost an unfair advantage like think about it, "Would you be more successful as an extrovert? YES, sure". Of course the qualities that make you successful at your career like you having better reasoning skills, logical thinking, communication skills mean whatever skills that make you successful would have been even better with more energy communicating with others. And especially as you get more senior at your career more and more of your time is now devoted to human communication. So yes if you were an extrovert, you would be more successful in your career because you can afford to spend your entire day like speaking with others and meetings and conferences and phone calls and presentations. I mean not just you can afford to you'd probably love it and get more and more energy.
For me, probably for you as an introvert, it's unimaginable. But here's the thing, although as an extrovert, it may be easier to have a successful career. But the life itself would be more difficult think about it, if you're an extrovert, you're not self-sustainable. You need other people the more the merrier. You need a groups of people all the time you need greater stimuli to be happy in your marriage. You can't be easily happy in your marriage. If you don't have a couples of friends, you need to have a couples friends to hang out in the weekends. Otherwise I mean God forbid, all alone just with your wife or just with your husband. If you have kids, then you need to be meeting with other friend who also have a kids. You may find a hobby let's say you're boating, fishing and sailing. You need to make friends who also have boats, so you can all go boating together. You can ride the motorbike, again you have to ride with other riders, that usually your weekend activity. Being on your own or being with your own small family is often the most boring and energy drenching activity for you. It's not your mistake, it's just you're build that way. You always need that support around you. And if you don't get that support, then you can easily fall into depression.
How many times actually were you shocked when you heard someone, you know who went to depression and that you couldn't believe, that you know that person very well and he could not be depressed. You knew him or her as the most charming and most social person ever. You are right and sure they maybe like that, but until they lose their support.
Introvert can make good communication:
But introvert do not need that support. In fact, they thrive in the absence of support. So it's easier to lead a happier life, but as long as you go through these breakthrough realizations and I truly feel these four breakthrough realizations kind of completed me. They made my mind start working, they gave me so many answers, direction to optimize my life. For example, you'll now go and try to understand how many hours of rest time you need and at what frequency to recharge, that will help you look at time as what it is a resource. And then your day job, you'll use it when it matters the most perhaps you need to recharge in the weekend by being alone or in the evenings or even in the day every hour or two for 10 minutes all alone in the your building staircase, it was my favourite for a very long time for decades.
We're all different and only you know how best you can function, but the difference moving forward is now you will finally pay attention to all, these all these factors shaping you shaping your environment . You know why?. Because you now know not to tear down the wall because of the paint you will change the paint. It meaning is you don't have to withdraw from everyone. You don't have to try to soldier through extreme mental exhaustion to finish today instead you'll be smarter. You will eliminate communication with unnecessary people, you will cut them out of your life or at least cut them out of your day. And only focus on those people and those interaction that matter.
Conclusion:
From now, your mind it will it's an automatic process your mind will always look for work around. It'll do this automatically. For example, if you're senior enough, then you'll start consideration a different leadership approach like why not try to lead from behind. It's meaning you can encourage your team to be in front and you can support them from behind. Only When things go wrong or when they need motivation and division or further support or with further strategies. You don't join every single call or every single meeting anymore. Your team does that for you and you are there to give them a support, they required. When I was an manager at chemical company, that's what I did I developed a wonderful team who has done amazing things. Absolutely amazing things leading the agenda for our clients and I was always there to support them with whatever they needed, but I wasn't interfering with every single decision. I wasn't there to influence them with my way of thinking or with my decision. I didn't join ten phone calls or they got no five meetings a day. Absolutely no, and it's waste of time. They did that because they loved it because they were extrovert. They felt important. They got energized and quickly they actually become important. They grew much quicker and they ended up becoming highly confident people themselves. As a result, they got so many promotions and I was able to maintain my strong career at any company I joined. It's basically win-win situation for all. Now I would love it if you love.
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